The Farmer's Husband

25 lessons learned in 1 short year

October 27, 2012 — 12 Comments

One year ago today, in the midst of a freak snow and ice storm, we arrived in Schoharie NY, armed with a bunch of books on farming and some pretty grand notions, and started our new life. The plan was to see if we even liked farming for a year. Would goats be fun to milk, or would we resent them? Would lambs be cute or repulsive? Would we be welcomed or run off? These were the questions we could only answer by experiencing farming first hand. We gave ourselves a one-year trial period, and in that time we have answered many questions, and raised many more. Here are the top 25 things we have learned in the last 365 days.

1.    Goats are more fun than expected

Man, we love goats! They’re the highlight of the day. They all have personalities, can be reasoned with (unlike sheep), and are quite easy to keep. We knew we would like them, but when you have your eyes set on a goat cheese operation, it’s a relief to discover you truly enjoy the animal you may spend the rest of your life with.

Charlie lounging on Thomas

2.    There is more to the dairy business than meets the eye

We thought we’d get some goats, milk them, and make some cheese. Simple pimple. It turns out there are a great deal more regulations, requisite facilities and governmental inspections involved than we would prefer. So until we can piece together a milking parlor, a milk house, and a cheese plant and an aging cave, we’ll have to keep making our raw goat cheese for home consumption only.

3.    There is a use for everything

I wrote about “stuff” early on, and we’re still beating that drum. There is little you can’t build out of some wooden pallets and zip ties. I’m forever hauling “finds” home from hither and yon, just in case they will come in handy. The same can be said for food and food scraps. I work for a food co-op in Albany, and I graciously haul home boxes and buckets of produce scraps, moldy bread, and leftover deli food for the pigs and chickens to enjoy. It keeps the food from going to waste, and gives us some relief from ever climbing feed costs. With a steady diet of Ezekiel bread, goat milk, and kale, we figure our pork will be amazing, and taste approximately like a hippie would taste, if we were allowed to smoke and eat them.

4.    Fashion is optional

Neither Thomas nor I were particularly caught up on fashion when we lived in the city, but we were prone to wearing pointy shoes and tight jeans on occasion. The only dress code on the farm is that the hole in the crotch of your jeans must be smaller than a cat to be worn outdoors, and there should be limited pig shit on your trousers when appearing in a public place. The thrift store is no longer a source of ironic baby-tees to wear out to the club, but the place we actually go shopping for clothing, because that’s what the budget will allow. So we apologize in advance if we’re not quite a sharp looking as we used to be when we show up to your new baby’s bris brunch. We have a couple hundred mouths to feed, and we like them more than the fall line.

5.    People are more open minded than expected

We fully expected some gay bashing and some awkward moments when we moved to the sticks. I find that red necks are more aggressive in the South, and just kind of keep to themselves up here in the North. If anything, we have found people genuinely excited to meet younger farmers moving to their area to keep a lifestyle alive. (No, not that lifestyle, the farm lifestyle.) People are truly more open-minded and accepting that we are told they are by our media, politicians and religious leaders.

6.    We can kill things

We can kill and eat our own meat. Previously, killing was reserved for injured or ill animals, but now we have seen life full circle. We have hatched eggs, raised the chickens, killed and cleaned said chickens, and made delicious meals from them. It feels as satisfying as it tastes.

 7.    Being poor can feel like a million dollars, if you eat well

The other day while at work, I was chatting with a customer about our farming venture, and what we’re working towards. He plainly asked if Thomas and I were trust fund babies to be able to afford such a change of lifestyle. I’m pretty sure I snorted with laughter. If we are trust fund babies, nobody has let us in on that secret. Every purchase down to a cup of coffee is considered now, and if a more frugal option exists, that option is taken. We eat largely from our garden, and our store of frozen and canned goods. Managing our tiny trickle of income is a constant concern, but when you sit down to a meal of braised Muscovy, leeks and purple cabbage, aside herbed mashed potatoes, as we did last night, and every ounce of it came from your land and your hands, there is no richer feeling in the world.

8.    Walmart is horrible, yet occasionally necessary

It’s been weighing heavy on my conscience that we have shopped at Walmart. I’m not proud. I’d rather shop anywhere. But sometimes you need cat litter, and you’re on the wrong side of town, and it’s just the only option. Since becoming poor, we have softened our stance on Walmart shoppers. Some people truly have no option besides the cheapest option there is, and others don’t have a taste for beautiful, whole, local foods despite their relative abundance in this area.

See also #4

9.    You can dress up cheap booze by changing the bottle

If you pour Gordon’s gin into a Tanqueray bottle, you can even fool yourself into thinking it’s the good stuff. Just make sure you’re mixing it. Pouring Jim Beam into a handsome decanter will serve the same purpose.

Using technique previously reserved for gay bars

10. Blogging about something takes as much time as doing something

We find it terribly difficult to get around to blogging about farming when we are actually doing the farming. I know people hire bloggers to do their blogging, and others hire farmers to do their farming, and others hire people to do both. We don’t have such luxuries, so for now, we’ll keep on doing both to the best of our abilities. And as much as the phrase, “I love your blog” makes me ill, thank you for those who are interested in what we’re doing up here. Keep on sending your good thoughts and energy our way.

11. Cooking is a pleasure not a chore

One of the biggest adjustments from city to country was the change in eating habits. We don’t have food delivery up here, and we don’t have the Whole Foods salad bar around the corner. To eat, we must cook. Thomas and I were both reared in the kitchen, so daily cooking was a welcomed return to our roots.

12. Pigs are really cool

Similar to our unexpected affection for goats, we just love pigs, and expect to have many more of them in the future. Pork may be our only profitable product for some time. We will slaughter our first pig next week, and as hard as that will be, we know that pig had a superior life, as will the future generations born on our farm.

13. There is life without nightlife

We often laugh when we go to bed at 10:00pm that in our previous life we would have just been getting showered and dolled up for a night out on the town. Not so much anymore. With no TV, no reliable Internet, and no bars down the street, bedtime comes early, and yet we are still happy. Likewise, there is life with limited cell phone and Facebook usage. We promise.

14. Muscovy ducks reproduce like rats

Thankfully they are delicious, and great foragers if allowed to range. We have a good number in our freezer and have several more to join them before winter sets in. We think they are the perfect farmstead duck, and everyone should have a few.

15. You can neuter a cat on a picnic table

People dump cats near farms. Then the cats reproduce. Then those cats reproduce. It’s a nasty situation, especially when you love cats, but hate the fact that they crap in your hay, and indirectly kill your livestock by spreading toxoplasmosis.  To help with the feline overabundance on the farm, we asked a veterinarian friend for help. She graciously came to the farm and neutered as many boys as we could catch, right on the picnic table. Exterior genitalia are more easily removed than the internal types, and though we neutered our goats ourselves, we figure we’d leave the cats to an expert. Until the girls are all done, there won’t be much difference in the starving kitten population around here, but we’re doing our best to help.

16. You can find friends anywhere

Much to our relief, there are quality folks all over this planet, and it didn’t take us long to find a few new friends. We found them in Albany. We found them at work. We found them at the feed store. We found them through answering Craigslist ads.

17. Craigslist can solve any problem

We have Craigslist to thank for much of our farming adventure. Our farm rental itself was the result of a Craigslist posting. We’re big advocates of putting it out there on Craigslist when it comes to apartment hunting. When you are clear about what kind of tenant you are, and what kind of property you are looking for, it’s easier for the property to find you. We have found sheep, poultry, goats on Craigslist, and keep our eyes open for peacocks, alpacas, llamas, livestock guardian dogs and new farms.

18. Small farms can be part of the problem as well as the solution

The local food movement spends so much of its time and energy fighting, fearing, and resisting the corporate agricultural giants, and rightly so. The sad truth is that many old school small farmers are no more humane or sustainable in their practices than are the corporate backed giant firms. There is a preference to lock animals in dark barns and coops rather than let animals graze, forage and behave naturally in the sun. Some farmers will take their (possibly) grass fed animals to a livestock auction, a borderline inhumane experience unto itself, and then take their earnings to buy antibiotic-laden feedlot-fattened midwestern meat from Walmart. We plan to reinvent and reeducate ourselves every year, but many farmers are going out of business rather than trying new techniques, or in some case reverting to old time techniques. The only way we can fight it is to do things the right way, or the more right way. A locally produced, humanely raised diet has proven to be incredibly diverse and delicious, and incidentally “healthy.”

19. You can cook anything in a cast iron skillet or a Le Cruset Dutch Oven

One of the most important things on which to judge a potential mate is their cookware. As Thomas and I both had the same cast iron skillet when we met, we knew it was meant to be. What we didn’t know we were missing was a Le Cruset Dutch oven. I’m sure there are other brands, but why mess around. This thing is amazing, and was a gracious housewarming gift from our friend, and fellow aspiring farmer Bann. If roasting and stewing are in your repertoire (and they should be) put one on your Christmas list now.

20. The most useful farm tool is the internet

There have been many times in the last year where we wished we had Internet access in the barn. It seems contradictory to think that old time farming practices are alive and well online, but they are. Sometimes a Google search for a picture of a particular skin rash or a quick YouTube video about gutting a rabbit are all you need to make an informed decision. Along with our growing group of farmy friends, we have formed Facebook groups of “Chicken Friends” and “Goat and Sheep Friends” and both are invaluable tools for getting advice on all aspects of animal husbandry. A lot of what was once passed along word of mouth can be shared across the country instantly. There are dozens of livestock specific websites and message boards. Backyardchickens.com has occupied a shameful number of hours in my life. If you have a question, there is really no better place to find the answer than the Internet.

21. A chest freezer can change your life

Thomas’s father and stepmother gave us the gift of food preservation. One thing we didn’t trust to Craigslist was a big freezer to help us keep all of our hard earned food. You can find plenty of cheap ones, but if a freezer with 150 pounds of pork, 40 pounds of lamb, 18 chickens, and 15 ducks, and bushels of produce goes out, you feel pretty bad about it. Not having the means to purchase a nice new freezer ourselves, Marty and Angela came to the rescue and sent us a mammoth freezer. It’s coffin sized. Like big American person coffin sized. We love it, and we love them. (And not just because they buy us pretty things.)

22. Changing your life is quick, easy, and possible

We often have trouble believing that we changed everything about our lives in 1 year. Actually it took less time than that- maybe 3 or 4 months. I suppose we had nothing to lose, but so many people hold themselves back from trying or creating something new. We’re glad we didn’t wait for the “right” time, because it’s always the right time to make yourself happy.

23. It’s very easy to bullshit

Honesty seems entirely optional these days, but Thomas and I were raised right. We only speak and write the truth. So if we say we did something, we did it. It’s simple with Facebook and blogs to misrepresent yourself and whatever it is you happen to be selling in the glossiest manner imaginable. It’s commonplace in politics or infomercials, but you expect farmers to be a more upstanding sort. Not always true. The very co-op I work for sells hundreds of dozens of “torture eggs” a week that all have words like “cage free” on them. As soon as a term is created, it is co-opted by someone else to sell his or her inferior product. “Natural,” “free range” and increasingly “organic” don’t mean much anymore. Get to know your farmer, and see first hand what she’s up to. Proud farmers aren’t ashamed to show you what’s going on.

24. We like farming

This was the right move. We get up early. We go to bed tired. We have no money, but we eat like kings. We can’t imagine a more honest career. It just feels right, and we’re going to keep on doing it.

25. We like each other

If anything could drive a wedge in a relationship, a complete change in location, career, and lifestyle might have done it. But it didn’t. We’re more committed to our new life and our life together than ever before.

.

Tassels, Talons, Ramshackle Shacks: Fall

September 29, 2012 — 7 Comments

It’s fall already.

Because we moved up here in the middle of that freak October blizzard last year, this is our first proper New York autumn. The foliage is nearly at its peak, there’s a perfect crispness in the air, apple cider, mums, wool sweaters, etcetera, etcetera. It’s all so lovely. Here’s what else is happening:

Ugh

As described in a recent post, I quit my job back in May. It was a deplorable place that I am ashamed to have been a part of and my only regret is not leaving sooner. But my last day of work was May 12 and I have yet to find another job. It was nice to have the time this summer to devote to the garden and the animals, but our family austerity program has recently been kicked into high gear.

Bailey has been incredibly supportive through the highs and lows of the job hunt and I don’t know what I would have done without him. Every few weeks or so, I get so fed up that I’ll throw my hands in the air, curse my student loans, and start filling out an application for a position like “Roller Rink Snack Bar Attendant” or something. But he’s always there to talk me off the ledge.

I have submitted approximately 35 resumes for jobs ranging from veterinary assistant to paralegal to admissions counselor to line cook. I may be more qualified for some than others; and I’m surely overqualified for many.

Times may be tough, but we’re not discouraged. We keep truckin’ right along. And to be honest, we have everything we could ever need right here on the farm. We’re good on milk and eggs, we have about 100 jars of tomatoes, pickles, and such in the pantry, many pounds of corn and beans in the freezer, and in just a couple of weeks, they’ll be joined by a pig, a lamb, and a few dozen chickens and ducks, with a round of rabbits not far behind.

Nice Chest

I’m sure you’re wondering “But where are you fellas going to put all of that stuff?”.  Well, we were wondering that too. We spent months looking for a used freezer online, but it’s so hard to know what you’re really getting. So my father and stepmother generously offered to gift us with an early Christmas present/investment in the farm, and our brand new 25 cubic foot chest freezer was delivered yesterday. It’s beautiful.

Did you know that new chest freezers come with all of these adjustable dividers and baskets these days?

With so much storage capacity and unbelievable energy efficiency, this freezer is sure to change our lives forever.

He Dazzles with Tassels

Though I have not been going to the office everyday, I’ve stayed very busy. In fact, I’ve taken on a new hobby. We could maybe call it an obsession. Borderline addiction. You see, when I’m not applying for jobs, working in the garden, canning and preserving, tending to the animals, or doing other general farmy duties, you can probably find me making a wreath. Remember the corn husk wreath from last month?

Well, one turned into two, then into four, then eight. In exchange for a wreath, a farmer friend let me give his corn field a little trim. And after just a few hours of snippin’ and whistling ABBA songs, I walked away with two garbage bags full of tassels.

I totally plan on getting into the local craft show circuit next year. Give me a folding table and some middle-aged ladies and I’ll make a KILLING.

The Tassel Traditionalist

With a touch of sass:

I found this piece of hub cap in a forest in Massachusetts:

A rectangular tassel wreath with Indian corn accents is the perfect frame for our one-of-a-kind Barbie locket-clutching chicken talon charm:

The holidays will be here before you know it; pick up your talon charms, party hats, and conversation pieces from Beth Beverly at Diamond Tooth Taxidermy

Turkey Trouble

Mrs. Pamuk, our Spanish Black turkey hen, hatched out nine poults (baby turkeys) a few weeks ago. Then the whole family suddenly vanished. It is possible that she took them somewhere to raise them and will come back soon with a bunch of adolescent turkeys trailing behind, but it is more likely that they’re gone forever. So that’s quite unfortunate.

On a positive note, the Royal Palm turkey that we’re raising for Thanksgiving dinner is putting on a little bit of weight and looking good. He’ll be a far cry from a 20 lb. Butterball, and we are very happy about that.

Buns

Bunty had her second kindling of bunnies about a month ago. They recently made the transition from ugly rat babies into cute bunny rabbits, so that’s nice.

I feel much more prepared for rabbit harvesting this time around. They were a little too old last time, so the whole process was a bit “tough”. This time, dispatching should be easy breezy. And the younger meat can be pan-fried instead of stewed!

Mackenzie Phillips, our other breeding rabbit doe, is also pregnant.

Girls

Two weeks ago, we introduced our seven adolescent goats, which had been living separately from the big girls, to the rest of the herd. They’ve enjoyed spending their days frolicking on pasture with their moms and aunties, and there has been virtually no bullying. In fact, Agatha, one of our Toggenburg does who lost her kids this spring due to a very difficult pregnancy caused by toxoplasmosis (read about that experience here) seems to have taken the little ones under her wing. Aunt Aggie watches over, naps with, and plays with them. We’re excited for her to have kids of her own next spring.

The littles sneak away to nibble on some willow branches:

Speaking of kids, YumYum, our oldest Guernsey doe  is pregnant! She, too, had a failed pregnancy this spring due to toxo. But a couple of months ago, we noticed that she was widening, and then she started bagging up. We don’t know when she’s due, but it’s safe to assume that she’ll be kidding within the next few weeks.

In the meantime, we get to say things like “Hey, have you gotten a good look at YumYum’s vagina this morning?” “Yeah. It’s not slack and leathery. No ooze. It won’t be today.”

Boys 

We finally separated our buck and rams from the girls. They have a nice paddock with a view and a cuddle hut. The ladies should all be starting their heat cycles very soon and we didn’t want any more oops babies.

Like all of the other structures that we build, their ramshackle shack is obviously pieced together with scraps of this and that, but it does its job just fine.

There was some pretty serious head butting for a day or two, but they’ve worked through their differences and are enjoying their bachelor pad.

What Else

In other news, we made a gallon and a half of homemade ketchup (catsup, if you will), so that’s fun. A guy we know is coming out to the farm next week with all of his plucking/scalding equipment and is going to show us how to process chickens and ducks, which should be great. A veterinarian friend came and neutered Cookie Salad on the picnic table and we got to watch; it was fascinating.  And there’s a special new addition to the farm, but I think that warrants its own post.

“I didn’t feel a thing!”
We told him that he was getting his tonsils removed.

Stay tuned; there should be much excitement in the next couple of months. Between YumYum’s kidding, the pig and lamb processing, and autumn baking, I think that we’ll have a lot to share.

Happy Fall.

Oh, and here are these:

Self-Preservation

August 26, 2012 — 2 Comments

Harvest has begun.

Better late than never, we finally have a steady supply of ripe tomatoes. The sweet corn is just right, some of the melons are ready, peppers are looking good, and the beans aren’t far behind. Our handful of zucchini plants have treated us well all summer– so well that we’ve had to start getting creative (zucchini nachos, anyone?)– and the herb patch is huge.

Now, canning and preserving can be totally pretentious. It’s become something quite trendy for many people. But for Bailey and me, it’s really just about being economical and enjoying good, homegrown food well into winter. We’ve put a lot of time and energy into growing the garden and we don’t want to see any of it rot away before we have a chance to eat it.

Earlier this summer, we invested in a Weck Canning System. It’s basically a big water bath crock pot situation with a spot-on thermostat. We use it for pasteurizing milk when we’re bottle-feeding, for cheese and yogurt making, and now for canning. Since it doesn’t take up any stove space, we have been able to just leave it full of water, on the counter, ready to go when we are. This way, I’m able to can tomatoes as they ripen, a few quarts at a time.

In addition to pickles galore, we’ve done a bunch of tomatoes, pickled watermelon rind, and some sweet & spicy zucchini relish. The plan is to fill up the pantry with as much as possible; beans, beets, peppers, salsa, sauerkraut, and whatever else.

Few garden treats are as splendid as fresh sweet corn, and we’re looking forward to enjoying ours for months to come. Last week, I got 65 ears blanched, scraped, and bagged up for the freezer. After eating several cups and sharing a couple ears with the pigs, I ended up with about 20 pounds. The good news is that there are probably 80 or more ears that are ripe for the picking. The bad news is that the freezer is at maximum capacity.

I saved all of the husks and have them drying in the sun. It is important to dry them in boxes so that the breeze doesn’t whisk them away. Also, they need to be brought inside at night to shield them from the dew. Dried corn husks can be used to wrap tamales, to make corn husk dolls, and to make festive autumnal corn husk wreathes!

I have recently accepted the fact that I was probably an Amish woman in a former life. *

Another way that we’ll be saving a few bucks and enjoying the garden long after frost is by drying our own herbs. It’s really quite simple. First, snip your herbs, leaving at least a few inches of stem coming out of the ground to facilitate regrowth. Pick off any dead leaves, then bundle your stems and tie them together pretty tightly. Cut some holes in a paper bag and slip it over your herb bundle. The bag keeps away dust and light. The holes are for ventilation, obviously. Finally, attach the stems to a hanging device (I used twine and Christmas ornament hooks) in an airy, well-ventilated place. Outdoors is not good because, like with the soon-to-be-wreathed corn husks, morning dew inhibits drying.

In about 2 weeks, the herbs will be dry and crumbly. Hanging for longer than necessary damages the quality of the herbs, so take them down when they are ready. Place the hooks back in your Christmas decoration storage area or, if you have extras, just keep them with the paper bags to use again next year. Remove the leaves from the stems and store them in a jar with a tight lid or a sealed baggie, and keep away from light and heat. The herbs will retain more of their flavor if you leave the dried leaves intact and crumble as needed rather than crumble them all right away.

Don’t forget that dried herbs have much more concentrated flavor than fresh herbs, so if you’re using dried in place of fresh in a recipe, use only a third of the amount called for, then adjust from there.

Sure, canning and preserving is a little laborious. But when we’re enjoying garden-fresh tomatoes in January, it’ll all be worth it.

*Update:

I think I know what all of our family members are getting for Christmas this year.

Enchantment

August 23, 2012 — 3 Comments

As a freshly plowed pile of rocks and dirt, the garden looked way too big. We didn’t think that there was any way we’d be able to fill up the whole thing, at least not this year. But just a few months later, we’re bursting at the seams; and we already have plans of expanding next spring.

Let us take you on a photo tour of the garden.

Here is how it looked on June 28:

And today:

On July 1:

Today:

We used the rocks that we picked out of the soil to create an enchanted walkway. Here is Enchantment on July 1:

Enchantment this evening:

An Enchanted entrance, July 1:

And today:

Castor beans add so much drama, don’t they?

Tending to the garden this summer has been a great learning experience for me. There was a garden in our backyard when I was a child, but I wasn’t very interested in it at the time. But because of my abundant “free time” (read: unemployment) this summer, I have been responsible for much of the planting, weeding, and watering; and thanks to Bailey’s horticultural expertise, I’ve had an excellent guide.

We had a lot of fun looking through seed catalogs last winter and designing the garden. Unfortunately, many of the seeds that we started inside this spring either didn’t get any larger than sprouts or they blew off of the ledge of our little deck. But we made do.

Currently in the garden, we have kale, cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, collard greens, onions, leeks, shallots, potatoes, corn, tomatoes, pickling cucumbers, bush and pole beans, peppers (bell, habanero, jalapeno, Hungarian wax, some long skinny ones), zucchini, melons, squash, pumpkin, accidental artichokes, and herbs.

In our herb patch, you’ll find parsley, sage, oregano, basil, purple basil, Thai basil, thyme, rosemary, and cilantro (as well as some pink petunias and elephant ear for good measure). The mints and lemon verbena are on our porch.

All of the beautiful barky wood pieces dividing our beds were salvaged from various scrap piles and fire pits around the farm. We used some other wood scraps to fashion some teepees for the pole beans.

We have five or six varieties of pumpkin all coming along nicely. The plan is to spend the fall and winter making as many Pumpkins Stuffed With Everything Good as possible. We only made two last year, and it wasn’t nearly enough.

Do yourself a favor and make one. Prepare a pumpkin as you would for a jack-o-lantern. Then, in a big bowl, combine cubes of bread, cheese, nuts, sausage and/or bacon, apples, garlic, caramelized onion, dried cherries or raisins, herbs, nutmeg, and anything else that’s wonderful. Stuff the pumpkin with this mixture, then pour cream in there. Return the pumpkin’s lid and bake the whole thing at 350F for about 2 hours, or until the pumpkin is as tender as a baked potato. Remove the pumpkin cap and broil for a couple minutes to crisp the top layer of good things. Be careful, it’ll be hot and juicy. Enjoy.

Bailey had the brilliant idea of planting all of the pumpkin, squash, and melons along the perimeter of the garden so that they could vine down the hill (sorry for the terrible photo).

One day last week, while on our morning walk through the enchanted garden, we noticed that something had come through the cabbage patch and taken a bite out of each head. That was all the incentive Bailey needed to make some delicious spicy sesame peanut slaw.

As our 80 tomato plants continue to provide beautiful fruit, we plan to can as much as possible so that we are able to enjoy eating from the garden all winter long. The freezer is already full of pesto and enough zucchini bread to last a lifetime (recipe to come).

The pickle-making process is well underway.

And about 150 ears of beautiful sweet corn are ready to be prepped for the freezer (or bellies).

Considering that the whole thing was just grass a few months ago, we weren’t expecting the soil to produce an abundant harvest this year. But it has been better than expected. Plus, the only fertilizers we are using are manure and compost, and that’s something that we feel good about.

It is a bit of work, but the rewards are plentiful.

Good Food

July 29, 2012 — 6 Comments

I killed a rabbit with my bare hands. And then I ate it.

Elizabethan Rabbit on its way into the oven

But before we get to that, I’d like to reflect for a moment on food. I truly believe that there is nothing more important than good food; but unfortunately, most people tend to take eating for granted. These days, every type of produce is available year-round, ingredients lists are getting longer, and let’s not forget about a tasty little something called Pink Slime.

Mountain Dew Code Red, Chicken McNuggets, Blazin’ Buffalo Ranch Doritos… this stuff isn’t food.

I do not want or need to go into too much detail here about what we believe is going on with the politics of our food system. But if you stand back and look at the systems objectively, it’s easy to see that the people who are putting countless farmers out of business by establishing massive monoculture GMO crop factories and encouraging us all to go to Wal-Mart to buy chemical-laden produce and Diet Coke are the same people who stand to profit when we develop cancer or diabetes from all of the shit that they are feeding us. It’s not a pretty picture or something that’s pleasant to think about, so most of us choose to remain totally oblivious to it all.

Bettie’s: A Prime Example

This past January, I was hired as the new head baker/decorator/kitchen manager at Bettie’s Cakes: A Cupcakery Café. I’ve never been a fan of cupcakes, but I needed a job.  Initially I was told that I had complete control over products and flavors, but that turned out to not be the case whatsoever.  Even if you take away the passive aggressive and completely unprofessional ownership as well as the unbearably annoying and apathetic twats working the counter, it is still the most toxic environment that I have ever been in.

You see, Bettie’s Cakes prides itself in having 77+ flavors of cupcakes (they also claim that their cupcakes are “all-natural” and “use only real ingredients” with “no preservatives”) but what that basically means is that there is a shelf in the kitchen with 77 different bottles of artificial chemical flavoring and 77 different shades of food coloring. The raspberry lemonade cupcake consists of a neon yellow, artificially flavored lemon cake topped with a hot pink, artificial raspberry flavored buttercream. The watermelon cupcake is a vanilla cake, dyed bright green, topped with an artificial watermelon flavored buttercream in a shade of bright pink that I can’t even begin to describe. Did you know that artificial root beer flavoring comes in quart-sized bottles? The same thing goes for artificial maple flavoring. Oh yes. Bettie’s also boasts a blue raspberry Jolly Rancher flavored cupcake (I literally gagged while making the frosting) and a cotton candy cupcake (yes, artificial cotton candy flavoring is a real thing). I could go on, but you get the idea. And every time that I mentioned the possibility of using real ingredients instead of unnatural chemicals, artificial flavors, and colors, it was not up for discussion. Pure flavor extracts and real fruit cost more money. Profit is the only thing that matters. Plus, people have been brainwashed into thinking that this stuff is a delicious treat.

The saddest thing for me was watching the customers. People LOVE this garbage and they have no idea how harmful it is to them and their children. Once I had to make 6 dozen cupcakes for a child’s birthday party, 6 different flavors, but all dyed bright blue. Artificial coconut flavoring, imitation vanilla extract, etc.- the manufacturers are not required to list any of the ingredients that give artificial flavorings their flavor. And this is probably because the words are all impossible to pronounce. Yet parents and children would line up everyday to spend $3 a piece on these cupcakes.

One day while walking through the food court (yes- I was working at Bettie’s Cakes in a MALL FOODCOURT) on my way to use the restroom, I walked past a table of four extremely morbidly obese teenage girls eating a fast food lunch. I used to be heavy and know how hard it can be, so I cast no judgment, but it made me sad. A few minutes later on my way back from the restroom, all four girls had a Bettie’s signature cosmopolitan cupcake in hand; artificial cherry and lime, hot pink and lime green. My heart sank. I felt so responsible. Yes, individuals need to be held accountable for their actions. But how can they if they don’t know any better? I just couldn’t be a part of that system anymore. It felt so completely dishonest; we moved up here to devote our lives to raising and growing the best food imaginable, and I was spending 50 hours a week poisoning people with products that can’t even be described as food. I gave my notice shortly thereafter.

I am not standing on a pedestal or trying to preach—deluxe nachos and ice cream are two of my favorite things. But the moral of the story is that our food system is totally screwed up. Do your part by shopping at farmer’s markets, eating organic foods when you can, buying produce that hasn’t been sprayed with harmful chemicals, buying directly from the farmer whenever possible, planting a garden, and eating meat that has been pasture raised, grass fed and finished, and humanely processed. Good food is important and fun. It should be enjoyed and appreciated. We all take far too many things for granted. So slow down. Turn off the TV. Go outside. Cook a meal of real, good food and enjoy it with loved ones.

The Rabbits

You may recall that Bunty gave birth to her first kindling of bunnies back in early May. One was sold as a pet, one was kept to become our second breeding doe (we named her Mackenzie Phillips, for obvious reasons), and the others were raised for meat.

Bunty, the mom.

They spent their lives outdoors, with a full supply of handpicked grasses, lettuces, and wildflowers in addition to their bunny food; and their two-room wire-bottomed rabbit hotel was moved daily to ensure that they always had a fresh bed of grass. Because we knew from Day 1 that we would be eating these rabbits, we did not name or cuddle with them, but we did our best to enjoy, appreciate, and nourish them.

Well the time came for them to, in turn, nourish us. The original plan was to take them somewhere to be processed, but we liked the idea of doing it ourselves. And after a few minutes of research, realized that this was totally doable. We immediately thought of our friend Beth Beverly. Because of the ethics that she maintains surrounding her work as a taxidermist as well as a consumer of animal products, this seemed like a perfect collaboration. (Beth’s blog, Skinned Deep, is sensational. In a post from a few months ago entitled Beating the Meat, she beautifully and articulately outlines her thoughts on meat consumption in this country and how it relates to her career. I hope you’ll take the time to read it).

After much discussion and research on how to humanely dispatch rabbits, Beth and I decided that we were most comfortable with the control that would come with breaking the neck with our bare hands. We set up our processing area away from all the other animals, picked out our rabbits, and thanked them for their lives. We took a moment to calm the rabbits and really connect with them. Then we faced one another, got our hands into position, took a deep breath, and counted to three.

I didn’t know how I would react. I have killed many chickens, but only to put them out of their misery. Killing something that is very sick or seriously injured is completely different from killing something that is perfectly alive and healthy.

Beth and I remained calm and collected. We were in control. When it was finished, though, we both needed to take a second to catch our breath.  It’s difficult to describe what I felt; it was kind of surreal and I felt like I was floating, while at the same time I felt totally grounded and alive. We looked at each other and hugged.

Surprisingly I felt no guilt or sadness, but a strong desire to soak in this moment and an eagerness to proceed.  It was time to start making dinner.  And we agreed that regardless of how it turned out, it was going to be the best and most satisfying meal that we’d ever had.

We watched THIS tutorial on how to skin, gut, and butcher, and we found it to be invaluable. In her recent post on Skinned Deep about the whole process, entitled Meeting my Meat, Beth does a wonderful and tasteful job explaining and photo documenting the next few steps. Between Beth’s experience with animal skinning and my culinary training (no, animal disassembly isn’t covered in pastry school, but it helped to have some knife skills), we made a pretty good team.

Skinning a rabbit was nearly as easy as peeling off a tube sock.

Beth was a natural

Armed with a sharp knife and a sharp tongue

The Meal

I’m looking forward to the day when all the meat we cook with is from our farm. But that’s not commonplace yet, so I wanted this meal to be extra special. I searched far and wide for the perfect rabbit recipe. We let our rabbits get a few weeks past the ideal processing weight, so grilling wasn’t the best idea because the meat was likely to be a little tough. But stew wasn’t quite special enough.  Finally, I found a recipe for Elizabethan Rabbit that was adapted from Cooking With the Two Fat Ladies. I tweaked it quite a bit myself, based on our personal tastes and what ingredients I knew I would be able to find.

With an Elizabethan theme in mind, I set out to create the perfect menu. I discovered that honey was commonly used during the Elizabethan era because all sugar was derived from sugar cane at the time, and only the very wealthy could afford the luxurious export. Herbs and flowers were eaten quite a bit, as were nutmeg and other such spices. I had some leftover French onion soup in the freezer that I wanted to feature (See Section 3: Tip 2 in The Lost Art, Part One), so I decided to venture out of England and over to France for the soup and dessert courses. Our dinner was as follows:

Salad: herb and flower salad with fresh homemade chevre and honey-lemon dressing

Soup: french onion soup with gruyere crostini

Entrée: elizabethan rabbit over herb and goat cheese mashed new potatoes

Dessert: frozen honey mousse and spiced walnuts atop broye du poitou

And here are the recipes…

Herb and Flower Salad with Honey-Lemon Dressing

I did not use any exact quantities for the salad and I did not take notes, but here is the general idea

• 1 big handful arugula
• a bunch of leaves each of bloody sorrel, sage, mint, purple basil, lemon verbena, and lamb’s ear, chiffonade
• 1 stalk each of rosemary and thyme, leaves from
• a generous clipping of bronze fennel
• 2 radishes, sliced very thin (with a mandolin, if you have one)
• 1 handful of cherry tomatoes
• 2 tbs. honey
• 2 tbs. olive oil
• 1 lemon, zested and juiced
• sea salt and cracked pepper, to taste
• edible flowers (I used pansies, nasturtium, and marigold)
• chevre (I’ll share the recipe for this at another time)

1. Combine arugula with herbs, radish, and tomatoes

2. Combine honey, olive oil, lemon juice and zest, and S & P

3. Toss together

4. Divide onto chilled salad plates

5. Top with cheese and flowers

6. This salad is best enjoyed while speaking in a British accent

French Onion Soup 

I made French Onion Soup for the first time back in May. I used THIS recipe, following it pretty much exactly. I doubled it, added extra wine, and used homemade chicken broth instead of beef broth. It was perfect. I froze the leftovers. To thaw them, I simply moved the container to the refrigerator the day before and then slowly heated the soup in a little pot on the stove. French onion soup takes a lot of patience, but is worth it.

Elizabethan Rabbit

This made enough to feed about 8 people.

• 3 sprigs parsley
• 3 sprigs thyme
• 2 sprigs rosemary
• a few sage leaves
• 2 bay leaves
• 2 rabbits, cut up
• flour
• 1/2 cup bacon fat (or butter)
• 3 large onions, chopped into medium sized chunks
• 4 carrots, slices
• 1 bottle red wine
• 3 apples, chopped
• 1/2 cup dried dates
• zest and juice of one orange
• 1 1/2 cups chicken stock
• sea salt and cracked pepper

1. Preheat oven to 350 F

2. Tie the first five ingredients together with kitchen twine or bundle them into some cheesecloth

3. Toss the rabbit chunks in the flour to coat

4. Heat the fat (or butter) in a Dutch oven

5. Brown the rabbit, then remove it and set it aside

6. Add the onions and carrots, cook them until they are a little tender and beginning to caramelize

7. Pour in the wine, turn up the heat a bit, and let simmer until it reduces by at least half a cup

8. Return the rabbit to the Dutch oven

9. Add the herb bouquet, apple chunks, dates, orange juice and zest, and stock.

10. Place the lid on your Dutch oven and pop it in the oven for 2 1/2 – 3 hours

11. Season with S&P

Step 7. It’s OK to save a splash of wine for yourself.

Herb and Goat Cheese Mashed New Potatoes

I did not use a recipe. I simply boiled potatoes, with the skins on, until they were tender enough to be easily pierced with a fork. Then using a hand mixer, I whipped them up with a stick of butter, a generous splash of fresh goat’s milk, a glob of fresh homemade chevre, sea salt, and some thyme. They were a little runny, a little chunky, and a lotta perfect.

Frozen Honey Mousse

This is one of my absolute favorite recipes in my repertoire. I like to freeze it in parchment-lined entremets rings, then unmold and let thaw in the fridge for at least 30 minutes, then sit at room temperature for a few minutes before serving.

• 4 egg yolks
• 4 oz honey
• 1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
• 2 tbs. water
• 1 tsp. granulated gelatin
• 2 cups cream, very cold

1. Stir the gelatin into the water, let bloom for a few minutes

2. Place the yolks, honey, and vanilla in a stainless steel bowl set atop a pot of simmering water, and whisk until the mixture thickens and lightens in color (about 5 minutes)

3. Melt the gelatin and whisk it into the honey/yolk mixture

4. Let the mixture cool to room temp. It will get quite thick.

5. Whip the cream to medium peaks (preferably by hand- it takes longer, thus creating more air bubbles and a more stable whipped cream)

6. Take 1/3 of the whipped cream and whisk it into the honey mixture to thoroughly combine. Carefully fold in the remaining cream. Keeping it a little streaky and under folded is better than over folding.

7. Enjoy right away or divide into molds or little dishes and refrigerate or freeze until ready to serve.

Spiced Walnuts

This recipe is loosey-goosey. Experiment and throw in whatever you want

• 1 tsp. freshly ground nutmeg
• 1 tsp. ground ginger
• 1/4 tsp. ground cloves
• 1 tsp. ground cinnamon
• 3 turns on the pepper mill of cracked peppercorns
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 pinch sea salt
• 1 tsp. dark brown sugar (I never use light brown sugar for anything. ever)
• 1 little sprinkle of habanero powder
• 1 egg white
• 2 cups walnuts

1. Preheat oven to 350 F

2. Whip egg whites to frothy

3. Toss nuts to coat

4. Add everything else and toss to coat

5. Bake on a pan lined with a silicon baking sheet or parchment paper for about 10 minutes

6. Let cool and enjoy

Broye du Poitou

This is a French butter cookie. It is traditionally baked as one big cookie, then placed in the center of the table for all of your guests to reach in a break off a piece. It is crispy and crumbly on the outside, and soft and lovely on the inside. I found the recipe in Dorie Greenspan’s cookbook, Around My French Table. Bailey bought me this book when I finished pastry school. I bought it for my mother for her birthday last year. And I strongly suggest that you buy it for yourself right now. Dorie refers to these as Salted Butter Break-Ups. I would type out the recipe, but someone has already done it HERE.

It was an extraordinary meal to end an emotional day. We enjoyed good food with good drinks among good friends. I’d like to end with a quote from our beloved Beth Beverly:

What I do want for myself, and for you and everyone you love, is to be aware.  Think.  Just think the next time you sink your teeth into that chicken sandwich, about the bird and where it came from.  Was it [bred] to have such large breasts it couldn’t walk?  Does the burger pattie on your grill contain more pharmaceuticals than any of us might consume in a lifetime?  If this is OK, fine, eat it.  Just know.  I think if we all took a little more time to connect with where our food comes from, the results would be resoundingly positive.

Amen

The Lost Art, Part One

July 14, 2012 — 10 Comments

Good evening. I’m so glad that you could join us. Let me take your coat. Would you like a drink?

Both of us were raised by pastor’s wives; and let me tell you, no one knows how to throw a party like a pastor’s wife. Seriously.  From an elaborate Christmas Day feast for 15 to Wednesday night rice krispie treats for the kids and everything in between, a pastor’s wife is always ready to entertain at the drop of a hat. As such, Bailey and I were introduced to the art of entertaining early on, and we have both been hosting events for many years.

I first experienced the sweet taste of party throwing in the seventh grade when I decided to have “The Shindig”. I spent months planning this party; the menu, the music, the guest list. I even typed up formal invitations and requested RSVPs. Shockingly, the chubby effeminate boy isn’t the most popular kid in the seventh grade, but I didn’t care. I invited all of the cool kids and they all came. If I remember correctly, dinner was a taco bar. There were Christmas lights aplenty, and I definitely had the soundtrack to the movie Grease playing for much of the evening. The Shindig was a success.  What stuck with me the most, though, wasn’t what happened at the party, but what went into it. That is, the planning, the process, the ritual, the formalities.

Dinner parties have unfortunately become a thing of the past- not because people don’t enjoy them, but because they no longer know how it’s done. Below is a simple list of some of the do’s and don’ts of entertaining that we have learned along the way. I briefly discuss cleaning the house, preparing guest quarters, planning and executing the perfect menu, drinking, the table, and what to do when guests bring their children into your home. I finish by sharing a few tips on how to be a better guest.

The Basics:

1) Housekeeping

• Never allow company to enter a messy house.
• Establish two different levels of cleanliness: The Deep Clean and the 30 Minute Clean. Our 30 Minute Clean consists of tidying, dusting, sweeping, mopping, scooping the litter box, and wiping down all bathroom surfaces. The Deep Clean involves scrubbing base boards, light-switch plates, and the like.
• Clean the inside of your microwave.
• Don’t forget about the places that you can’t see. Is someone tall coming over? Wipe down the top of the fridge.
• If you have a fly strip hanging somewhere, by all means take it down.
• Dust underneath conversation pieces. If there is a chance that someone could pick it up, make sure it’s clean under there.
• Keep the ceiling fans spinning so that your guests won’t be able to see how disgusting the blades are.
• Organize your medicine cabinet. You guests will snoop wether you like it or not. Do you want them to find your hemorrhoid cream?
• Make sure that spare toilet paper and a plunger are accessible. There are few things more embarrassing than having to ask your host where to find the plunger.
• It is not tacky to have a book of matches in the restroom, just in case.

• If you have a guest bedroom, keep clean (or at least clean enough) sheets on the bed at all times (unless you have a cat;
  

  Always keep a lint roller around just in case your cats get to the pillowcases before your guests.

  in which case, leave the pillowcases off until they are needed, for a guest bed pillow is a cat’s favorite place to sleep). You never know when a dinner guest may have too much to drink or when a passer-through may need a last minute place to crash.

• Keep books or other reading material in the guest bedroom. Your overnight guests may not be as drunk as you are when it’s time for bed, so make sure that they are able to entertain themselves in your absence
• 

  In addition to feline companionship, we provide our overnight guests with books primarily about horticulture and sociological theory

  Make it special with some little touches. Even if you don’t think that they deserve it, everyone enjoys being well taken care of. Place a candy dish on the nightstand or a small vase of cut flowers on the windowsill.

• Don’t keep secrets hidden in the guest bedroom furniture or closet. Everyone likes to snoop, especially houseguests.

• Have a plan, even for something as simple as a backyard BBQ. Create a menu, write a thorough shopping list that is organized by where you will find items in the grocery and/or liquor store (produce, canned items, baking supplies, whiskies, etc.), and establish a realistic timeline for your event.
• Freeze. Making a shepherd’s pie for you and the kids tonight? Make two and put one in the freezer. It’s always good to have at least one Entree Plan B on hand in case of emergencies
• Repeat. Next weekend’s dinner guests don’t know what you served at your party last month. Did you make a sensational homemade lasagna that your company couldn’t stop ranting and raving about? Make it again. And again. And again.
• Always think seasonally (and buy locally). Don’t serve asparagus in January or Brussels sprouts in May.
• Be creative. Make your event memorable by serving something that most people don’t eat on a regular basis.  Top a salad with homemade dehydrated vegetable chips, feature carambola in your watermelon boat, or serve a spicy dessert (chili chocolate meringues with habanero brittle and bitter lime syrup, perhaps? Yes I did. And it was for Easter!).
• Always make your own salad dressing.
• My mother taught me that when it comes to making food for others, you must always pretend that everything turned out exactly as planned. “Oh yes, this is supposed to be crispy. Isn’t it wonderful?”

You don’t need a lot of cookware to run a successful kitchen. Invest in a good pot and a cast iron skillet.

• Hosting a potluck sort of event? The biggest mistake that you can make is to say something like “Bring a salad” or “Can you supply a dessert?” You must be as specific as possible: “Please bring a Greek pasta salad with orzo, lemon zest, capers, and artichoke hearts. No tomatoes” or “I’d love if you could make a baklava with pistachios, rose water, honey, and dried cherries. But if that’s too much to ask, just pick up a 2 liter of root beer and a half gallon of vanilla ice cream…”
• Don’t cut the fat. Just because you’re on a diet doesn’t mean that your guests have to be.
• Do your best to accommodate individual’s dietary needs without making any significant sacrifices. Assume that your nephew’s raw/vegan/celiac girlfriend has some grapes in her purse. If she doesn’t, throw her some lettuce and tell her to shut up.
• Always be wearing an apron when your dinner guests arrive, preferably one that is homemade.
• If you will also be serving a breakfast to the same guests the following morning, it is perfectly acceptable to incorporate leftovers from dinner. Turn the uneaten roasted root vegetable crudités into a show stopping frittata or slice up the leftover half pan of cornbread and create some cornbread French toast.

4) Drink

• If you are serving cocktails, buy a bag of ice (even if your freezer makes it for you). If you are not serving cocktails, please do not invite us.
• Maintain a stocked bar. It doesn’t need to be extravagant, but always keep at least two dark and two clear liquors on hand, as well as red and white wine.

• Hide a few wine coolers in your refrigerator’s produce drawer. Keep them hidden because wine coolers are embarrassing. Keep them on hand in case a tasteless, soon-to-be-former friend drops by and requests one.
• Have a signature or “house” cocktail, one that represents you as a host. Make it something accessible without being common. Your signature cocktail is an easy way to judge your guests. Do you really want to be friends with someone who doesn’t like bourbon?
• A good cocktail should contain at least three ingredients.
• A splash of seltzer water and a lemon wedge improves almost everything
• Don’t forget the fruit.  Lime and lemon should always be at the top of your guest list. If possible, invite blood orange and grapefruit as well. (BONUS COCKTAIL: Did you forget to pick up champagne for mimosas? Don’t worry- your brunch is far from ruined. Combine equal parts good quality gin and freshly squeezed grapefruit juice (including pulp) in a champagne flute. Top with a splash of seltzer water. Sip and enjoy.)
• Be aware of your guest’s limits and do not make everyone’s drinks the same strength. You don’t want to have three cocktails in the same time that it takes your lightweight guests to finish one, so make yours thrice as strong as theirs.
• Just like for your potluck dinner, if you are asking guests to help provide alcohol for your event, you must specify what type of wine, liquor, or beer you would like them to bring, and how much of it. If you simply say, “Bring a bottle”, and end up with 1.75 liters of birthday cake flavored vodka and a 6-pack of 4Loco, it’s your own fault.
• Know your glasses. Highball, lowball, white wine, red wine, martini, snifter, port glass, flute, saucer, stein, old fashioned tumbler, etc.; they all serve a purpose. Do note, however, that while it is crucial that you know the rules of glasses, these rules needn’t always be followed.
• Offer coffee. If you are not a coffee drinker and/or do not have a coffee pot, invest in a small French press or Melitta pour-over coffee cone. Coffee is essential.

5) At The Table

• Assign seats to ensure that all of your guests enjoy stimulating conversation over dinner. Denote seating assignments with place cards- and be creative about it! For one Thanksgiving, my mother had an intricately decorated turkey-shaped cookie resting on every salad plate; on the chest of each turkey was iced the name of a guest. Another year, she wrote guest’s names on dried maple leaves in extraordinary Sharpie calligraphy. The leaves were then glued to small gourds that matched those nestled in the centerpiece. I’m not kidding.
  

  Fill your glass trough with bailing twine, eggs, and tropical flowers to create an avant-garde look for your next event

• Do not keep salt and pepper on the table. If I had wanted the scalloped potatoes to taste saltier, I would have added more salt before serving them to you, thank you very much.
• Adorn your table with a centerpiece. Flowers are always a safe choice, but feel free to think outside the box.

A bowl of onions served as our centerpiece for Thanksgiving dinner last year. The simple collection of gathered twigs and berries surrounding the bowl was recycled as Christmas decor.

• Do not be ashamed of paper napkins or paper towels. No, they are not the most sustainable choice, but sometimes they are the right one. If a guest decides to make an issue out of the fact that you expect them to use a paper napkin, after you have invited them into your spotless home (which was cleaned using microfiber rags) and cooked them a beautiful meal, passively-aggressively replace their paper napkin with a clean dish rag (not a cloth napkin) and discontinue your relationship with them.

6) Children

• It is acceptable to tell your guests that your event is not child friendly.
• If someone does bring a child into your home, it is not your responsibility to turn your house into a daycare center. Do not keep broken glass on the floor, of course, but all of your antiques and knickknacks can stay right where they are. It is the responsibility of the parents to keep their children in line.
• Always keep a few child entertainment devices on hand. Lincoln Logs are good. I also recommend creating a craft tin. To do this, place some crayons, pom-poms, stickers, safety scissors, and a glue stick in a tin. Take it out, along with a few sheets of brightly colored construction paper, whenever someone needs to be entertained for a while.

Craft tins aren’t just for little children.

7) Guesting (because being a good guest is just as important as being a good host)

• Bring something, even if you are told not to. Your host(ess) gift doesn’t always have to be alcohol; a jar of preserves or a bottle of nice olive oil will surely be appreciated.
• Sincerely offer to help. Your host should graciously decline the offer, but be prepared to chop vegetables or set the table if asked.
• If you are vegan or gluten free, never assume that your host is aware of this huge inconvenience. Be sure to communicate any dietary restrictions to your host at least one week prior to the event; and if at all possible, offer to bring a dish or help prepare the meal(s) in some way.
• Do not bring a guest without first running it by your host.
• Leave the bottle! If you brought alcohol (which you should have), do not, under any circumstances, take any of it with you when you leave the party.
• Bring a Claritin. I’m sorry that I forgot to tell you that we got a cat, but I would love if we could talk about something other than the fact that you’re allergic to cats.
• Dress up. Unless you are absolutely certain that the event is super casual, don’t wear jeans. Wear clean shoes and be prepared to take them off at the door. This may be a good opportunity to show off those zany new stockings.
• If you wear a hat, take it off when you enter the house; unless, of course, it is a Beth Beverly Original.

You see, entertaining is really quite simple. You’re almost ready to throw the party of the season! In Part Two, I plan to discuss with you the role of music at your event. I will also touch upon ways to deal with a few of the different types of guests that you may encounter along the way (the lingerer, the picky eater, the entitled houseguest, the unexpected visitor, etc.). Finally, I will be sharing with you a number of my favorite company-appropriate recipes.

In the meantime, be happy, eat well, drink often, and have more photo shoots with your cats.

June

June 30, 2012 — 1 Comment

We were busy little June bugs. Here is what has been going on:

Cordelia

Last July, while on our way up to New Hampshire to visit Bailey’s parents, we stopped by the American Dairy Goat Association’s 2011 National Convention in Springfield, Massachusetts. We don’t plan on ever showing goats competitively, but we wanted to check it out. There was no actual showing going on at the time that we were there, so we just walked around, chatting with folks and looking at goats. There were hundreds and hundreds of goats, but one really struck my fancy. I already knew that I liked Nubian goats, with their big floppy ears and their distinct “Roman” noses, and this particular one was a beautiful brown color with white spots.  I remember talking briefly about how much I enjoyed that lovely Nubian as we finished the breathtaking drive into New England.

The goat that caught my eye at ADGA last year

Ten months later, Bailey and I were enjoying a delicious lunch at Mrs. London’s in Saratoga Springs in celebration of my birthday. I told him that all I wanted to do for my birthday was work in the garden, enjoy a productive day on the farm, and cook a nice, low-key dinner together. But he insisted that we put on clean clothes and go out to a special lunch. I didn’t really want to, but he told me to trust him. Now I don’t like surprises, probably because I have control issues and I don’t like being the center of attention. I knew that he was up to something, I just didn’t know what.

After lunch, he said “let’s go on a little drive.” “To where?”, I asked. “Oh nowhere. Well, somewhere. You’ll see.” “Are we going to the airport to pick up my mother? Are we going to a haunted corn maze? Are we going to a garden center or nursery? Because we don’t need anymore plants right now. Wait, are we going to pick up an animal? We don’t need anymore animals. Well, unless it’s a peacock. Are we going to pick up a peacock? Omg. You didn’t buy more chickens, did you? Wait, is it a goat? Seriously Bailey, we already have way too many mouths to feed right now. If you got me livestock for my birthday, I wont’ be happy. We talked about this. No more buying animals without talking to me about it first! What is it? Where are we going? I hate this.” “Shush,” he said. I don’t know how he puts up with me.

Long story short, we were on our way to Sweet Spring Farm to pick up a brown spotted Nubian goat kid that Bailey bought me for my birthday. Had had been planning this since last July.

On the drive home.

Admittedly, I was a little prickly about it at first. We really do have a lot of mouths to feed. And I really do hate surprises. (At least I say that I do.) But I fell in love with her on the drive home. And I realized that we’re going to be OK. In fact, we’re going to be better than OK. Yes, feed is expensive and bottle feeding is laborious and she is not part of our breeding program, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’re happy. I’m the luckiest man in the world to have someone so wonderful do something so thoughtful for me.

I named her Cordelia.

Garden

We got a late start, but the garden is finally looking good.

Our landlord looked at us like we were crazy when we showed him where we wanted its borders to be. “These boys must like a lot of work,” he said to his granddaughter. It looked big, but not too big. Plus, there was no obligation to plant the whole thing this year. Generously, he hooked the plow up to the tractor and tore up a big section of his lawn, then we went through with the disc harrow. (I’d like to point out that I did all of the attaching and detaching of the various implements to the tractor. Running around, hopping over things, hammering stuff into stuff. I even got splashed in the face with hydraulic fluid. It made me feel like a man). Then after a whole lot of rock picking, we roto-tilled the whole thing.

I am tough as nails

While the county that we live in is well known for its rich, fertile soil, it isn’t amazing up here on the top of the hill. But it’s alright, and it will get better and better every season.

You name it, we’ve got it. Cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, brussels sprouts, collards, onions, potatoes, corn, tomatoes (75 tomato plants!), at least a dozen varieties of squash, melons, beans, herbs galore, peppers, eggplant… It’s a lot, but not too much. We plan to spend much of the summer canning and preserving so that we can eat from our garden all winter long. Sure, it is a lot of work, but we love it all. Weeding might not be the most fun job in the world, but the payoff is worth it. Plus we get to spent time together, outside, next to the goats and pigs, listening to the birds, overlooking the pond, making beautiful and nutritious food that we get to share and enjoy. What could be a better way to spend time?

Lamby

One of our Icelandic sheep finally lambed about two weeks ago. We did not know when they had been bred, so we had to play the waiting game. At Easter time, we thought for sure that they were both about to go. Instead, they just got wider and wider. The day before Orka lambed, we knew that it was close. Three, we decided. There had to be at least three lambs in there; she was so hugely pregnant, photos couldn’t do it justice. But alas, she gave birth to just one gigantic ram lamb. He was a little slow to take to the teat, but he’s doing well now. Orka is a wonderful mom, and Aster is being a loving auntie as she awaits the upcoming arrival of her own lamb(s).

Mother always keeps a watchful eye

This is the first lamb of Marvin, our ram. And it was just a few days after Father’s Day!

All grown up and with a lamb of his own!

We’ve just been calling the lamb Lamby. Bailey referred to him as Adam Lamb-bert this morning, which was clever, but it’s not going to stick. As soon as he was born and we looked between his little legs and saw that he was a ram, we knew what his future looked like. While we think that he is just as precious as can be, we never fail to remember that we will be eating him someday.

Seen here at just under two weeks old. He’s a big boy!

Lady’s Man

While on the subject of proud papas, we did the math the other day and realized that Brady, our Guernsey buck, is going to be getting a lot of high fives in the locker room this fall. We’re expecting him to impregnate 11 of our does for next spring.

Never missing an opportunity to show off for his girlfriends, Brady loves reaching for willow branches.

Poison

I experienced poison ivy for the first time. It was really quite awful.

Chicken Swap

We went to a chicken swap yesterday. Bailey has been to a couple, but it was my first. Take one part tailgate party and one part garage sale, but replace the beer and knick-knacks with poultry, and you’ve got a chicken swap! We found out about it at the last minute and the timing wasn’t ideal, but we’ve got a lot of birds right now and it’s time to purge. So we got up early, rushed through chores, and loaded up a bunch of cages. Now, chicken swaps aren’t just about swapping. Selling happens too. And I made very clear before we left that we would absolutely not, under any circumstances, be acquiring any new birds at the chicken swap. Well, unless it was a peacock.

Anyhow, we met some nice people (as well as a good number of crazy chicken people) and sold a whole bunch of birds. Bailey had to leave for work about halfway through the event, so I was left to hold down the fort; and I have to admit that I really impressed myself. When it comes to our poultry, I obviously know what breeds we have, all of their characteristics, where they’re from, how old they are, etc., but Bailey is the expert between the two of us, so I happily let him do more of the talking. But after he left the chicken swap (can you tell that I like to say “chicken swap”) I jumped right in, chit-chatting with everyone about all sorts of things. I started rattling off duck and chicken info that I didn’t even know that I knew! And I found that I’m not too strict when it comes to price negotiations, especially with middle-aged ladies, but I think that that’s OK.

Tilda

The pigs are great! We love watching them and touching them and talking about them and looking at pictures of them and checking on them and feeding them and spraying them with the hose when it’s hot outside. We love them. Pippa, however, never seemed like a Pippa. It is a good name for a pig, but it just isn’t right for her. She is now Tilda. Tilda Swineton.

Cookie Salad

There’s a good number of barn cats in the barn. One of them had a litter of kittens. Two of the kittens were looking really sickly so we brought them into our porch so that we could make them well and then find them loving homes. One died. The other one is doing great. We didn’t have to look very hard to find him a loving home because he weaseled his way into our hearts. We love him and he loves us. He likes to drink warm goat milk out of a fancy green juice glass. His name is Cookie Salad.

Little Pigs

June 14, 2012

We are now pig people.

One of our pig books makes very clear that pork producers never EVER say “piglet”. We’re not sure how we feel about this. But for now, we are trying to stick to “little pig”.

Yesterday was our first day back on the farm since our five-day weekend in Albuquerque for my Dad’s wedding. We really enjoyed spending time with family and friends and getting to know all of the wonderful new relatives. The event was held at a winery that was quite picturesque–I kept waiting for Antonio Banderas to walk around the corner, smoking a cigar and wearing white pants– and we enjoyed spectacular food by our new friend Chef Kim. We were able to relax and enjoy our trip, but it wasn’t easy. Farmers (especially dairy farmers) don’t really don’t go on vacation, and now we know why. Taking on all of the responsibilities of the farm is a lot to ask of someone, but our landlord was willing to hold down the fort.

After writing several pages of lists, instructions, and emergency contacts, buying an extra week’s worth of feed, preparing all of the necessary milking and bottle feeding equipment, moving around all of the poultry in order to streamline the chicken chores, and separating the pregnant sheep just in case they decided to lamb in our absence (which they did not, so it is bound to happen any day now), there was nothing more we could do. Everyone was alive and well when we got home, but it was still stressful, for us and for our landlord. New Mexico was beautiful and we had a really great time, but we missed the farm. It’s good to be home.

We put a deposit on two Tamworth pigs a couple of months ago, before they had been born. Bailey and I were first turned on to this old heritage breed when we attended a woodlot pork raising seminar, organized by PASA and held at Forks Farm last summer. They are quite handsome, very rugged and hardy, excellent at foraging and grazing, the sows have good maternal instincts, and because they do not develop much fat, they produce some of the best bacon. Being a rare breed, we were fortunate to find a Tamworth breeder living just 15 minutes from us.

Every animal has its “people”. After meeting Bailey, I started to get to know chicken people. A lot of them are crazy. I’m not even going to talk about duck people. Then together, we entered the world of goat people and sheep people (which are more or less the same, with a few exceptions). Most of them are  pretty cool and we’ve made some good friends. Rabbits don’t really have a people, at least not outside of little girls. But of all the peoples that we’ve met so far, pig people might be my favorite. There is just something about them. Very sincere, kind, attentive, and a little silly. They are a nice group to be a part of.

We pre-ordered one barrow (castrated male) and one gilt (a young female that hasn’t produced a litter) (side note: I just love how we develop a new vocabulary every time we get a new type of animal!) and they were weaned last week. Yesterday, after settling back into the swing of things and catching up on chores, we built them a ramshackle shelter out of pallets, plywood, and other wooden bits that we found here and there. It doesn’t look like much, but it is sturdy and will provide shelter from the elements… until they outgrow it and we need to figure out something else.

Riding home in a dog crate in the back seat of the Taurus, the little pigs kept making cute little pig noises. Sure, it’s what they do. But we got excited every time we heard a squeal, oink, or grunt.

We have not named the male yet, and we’re not sure that we will. In late October/early November, he’ll be ready to be processed. We’ve tossed around some ideas of clever names that allude to bacon, pork, ham, meat, etc., but we may just end up calling him Meat. We named the female Pippa.

In the coming months, we will also be getting a Gloucestershire Old Spot boar (an intact male), along with another gilt (or two, if you ask Bailey; but I think that one is enough). They are a big, docile, lard breed that crosses nicely with Tamworths.

They are such fun to observe. Already, they are developing their own personalities. Pippa (on the right) is very energetic, yet extra sweet. Meat is quite curious, but easily startled.

I think that we could talk about these little pigs all day long, but it’s feeding time.